We never really know where life is going to take us…or when.
I did not know that at 5 years old I would spend over a month in the hospital because of an infection in the bone marrow of my heel. I did not know that at 12 years old on December 16th that my dad would have a massive coronary and die. Neither did I know that one year later I would make the most important decision a person can make…nor that this one choice would change the course of what was up to that point “my” life. I also did not know that at 20, on December 16th, I would reaffirm that choice I made when I was 13.
I did not know that I would spend the next 8 years single…growing, learning, beginning to understand who and why I was. And then, after years of waiting and hoping, finding that after one date I wasn’t single anymore. One look was really all it took… (love at first sight is real…and worth the wait). I did not know that 3 years later we would have a baby girl and a year and a half after that a baby boy and a miscarriage in between whom I hope to meet someday, (her name would have been Zoe).
I did not know that after years of preparation, answering a call that I was so sure was real would turn out to be just a detour created by many in my life who, for their own reasons, thought I should take. I did not know that recognizing the detour and stepping off of it would be the single most difficult decision of my life and lead me and my young family through some of our darkest days. I did not know that 3 years later I would be diagnosed with lung cancer and spend more than a year going from doctor to doctor, through 3 surgeries, and a painful recovery. (All is well now and has been for just over 7 years, PTL!) I also did not know that during this painful time I would complete my college education…finally.
I did not know that 6 years ago I would uproot my family and move away from our home in the U.P. to live in the land of the trolls, (my apologies to my friends and family who live under the Mighty Mac…I am only kidding about the trolls!). I did not know that leaving would be so hard and I did not know that learning to live here would be so hard…but it is getting better. I did not know that my wife would end up working close to 80 hours per week, (sometimes more), and that I would become a stay-at-home dad and homeschooling our kids. It has taken 5 years to work through this life change. I also did not think that I would ever teach again…but I am.
This is just a short list of things that I did not know. If I thought long and hard and wrote them all down on a scrap of paper I’m sure I could come up with enough “I didn’t knows” to fill a mason jar…or two. And I think it would be safe to say that in between all of the things that I didn’t know there are volumes of things that happened around and within me that I still know nothing about…and maybe never will. I’ve spent the better part of 45 years trying to figure out what I know so very little about and trying to answer the one question that haunts each and every one of us – “why?” I am sure that I am not qualified to answer that one, especially in light of all that I didn’t know.
There are a few things that I do know: I’m alive, I am saved, and I’ve been healed. I’ll let the One who knows worry about all of the “I don’t knows”.